The Houseguilt Incident

I go back to school in just over a week. Well, if you count teacher work days (both paid and voluntary), it's in just a few days. So, my summer is officially ending. I'm sad. Not for the normal reasons though. Most people are sad because they'll spend less time with their own kids, have to get up early, have to work all day.... Yeah, I'm mourning those things as well, but my real reason for feeling melancholy is I'm ending my summer with with houseguilt.

Houseguilt? Yes, it's a word. As of right now.

This summer, similar to what happens during all breaks, I let my house down. Things that I wanted to get to, I just didn't. And what really sucks, is I worked my ass off around here this summer! But still, there are things I'm leaving undone. And am feeling houseguilty about.

#1? Plants. I have whatever the opposite of a green thumb would be. A red toe, maybe? Anyways, in the past few weeks, my plants have become suicidal. I swear, they see me coming and shrink back in fear. I have such good intentions. Water, food, massages, long walks on the beach...Yet, my patio plants now look like this:

They are as gray as the siding! Yipes. I should add, for whatever reason, they have looked like this for weeks, yet I continue to water them. Sigh. Living on a dream, clearly. Time to throw in the towel.

My kitchen plant:

Sad, right?

Even my easy to grow, no maintenance bamboo plant in the ugly put with the stupid heart (end of the year teacher gift) is beginning to turn yellow:

See the yellow leaves in the lower left? Seriously, who manages to kill bamboo?

I have guilt for killing them, sure. But my houseguilt is because I've just left them there. Either dead or dying, I leave them in their pots. Partially as a reminder that I kill plants, partially because tossing them is just something I haven't gotten to, yet.

#2? Pet grass. I feel horribly guilty that I kill all my pretty plants, yet somehow my stupid pet grass is thriving. Seriously, I need to get my priorities straight. I also feel guilty that the pet grass gets things moving for our kitty and then causes her to vomit. Usually on our bed.

#3? Our cupboards. I swore I was going to clean them out. When our baby became a toddler, we all of the sudden had a wide variety of colorful, plastic dishes, bowls, utensils, and cups. Yet never did I make a place for them, and now have houseguilt. Our cupboards look like this (and this is on a good day):

#4? Magazines. I read several books this summer and did some writing. But my stack of magazines simply continued to grow. I had good intentions. Really. It just didn't happen. So, I have like 4 months of Glamour (which I feel REALLY guilty about since the subscription was a gift from a lovely friend), a stack of Teaching K-8, a bunch of Parents, and several American Baby (which is really lame cuz I don't have a baby anymore). So yeah, I feel pretty houseguilty that I have this stack of magazines cluttering up my house, but I just cannot bring myself to get rid of reading material.

#5? Cross stitch. The baby this is for is about to turn 1. Yeah, how much do I suck? I've worked on it, I swear. But each night I intended to sit down and continue working on it, I got sucked into another project. I see it sitting on the coffee table and feel houseguilt for not getting to it.

#6? DVR. When I told my husband I felt guilty for having shows on our DVR for months that I haven't watched, he pointed out that I bring guilt to a whole new level. I guess I could delete the half a season of Amazing Race. But I feel bad. Well, I feel houseguilt. I really like the show and want to support it! Like anyone having anything to do with the show would have any clue. Or care.

#7-100? Everything else! The laundry room floors, the pantry cleaning out, the top of the fridge clutter, the unorganized Tupperware cupboard, the broken push toy, the messy desk-corner, the unorganized cards, the untouched scrapbook, my son's closet....the list goes on and on.

Notice how I don't even mention all the other stuff I did accomplish. Houseguilt is like blinders. It blocks out anything productive one does and allows you to see only what you didn't get to. Pathetic, no?

So, in a few short days, I go back to work permanently (already been there off and on for little while), full of houseguilt, which also seems pretty permanent. The inevitable question of 'how was your summer' is coming. Over and over. And I'm pretty sure answering it with "my summer was houseguilty" isn't gonna fly. I'm thinking the vague answer of 'Oh, it was good....' might be the way to go!