So, I bought new underwear the other day. It was on the clearance rack at Old Navy AND was 30% off of the clearance price. Have I mentioned I'm cheap? Anyways....
I needed new underwear. Desperately. So, I picked up 2 packs. Wasn't too picky about the pattern. I figured as long as there were not any holes (besides the 3 that belong there) and overstretched elastic, I was good to go.
I get it home. I take off the tags. I notice what it says:
"Brand new panties, brand new you :)"
What the fuck? Ummm, new underwear makes me a NEW PERSON??? Oh REALLY? C'mon Old Navy. Who are you kidding? So new underwear magically causes me to lose 20 pounds, clears up my skin, and gets rid of my gray hairs? New underwear changes my attitude, wipes out my financial worries, and destresses me? New underwear will help me make new friends, accomplish all my life goals, and get my kid to stop throwing temper tantrums in parking lots? Fabulous. Best news I've heard all week.
Have I mentioned how I freakin' HATE the word panties? Like, HATE. There are few words I hate. Panties is one. It sounds as if the garment is being referred to as something cute and cuddly. I have several issues with this. A) I'm not 5 years old. B) The area covered by the garment isn't really cute, at least in my opinion. This could explain why I'm not a lesbian. C) During that oh so fucking special time of the month, there is NOTHING cuddly about them.
Overall, the word panties? Demeaning. Some man came up with it decades ago in an effort to make money by selling cart loads of underwear. I hate it.
And trying to convince me that they somehow transform me? Such bullshit.
They should just advertise it like it is: "Here are some clothes you wear underneath your other clothes. Be sure to wash them regularly."
If any ever tells me to quit getting my panties in a bunch, I will bust out my can of whoop ass and show you who wears the pants around these parts.
You should know that after washing and putting on the brand new underwear, I felt exactly the same as I did two seconds before putting them on. Maybe to really get a brand new me, I need new bras, too.
7 comments:
Well we know where to go to get new bras! And I do believe it is about 2 years past due... Just sayin'
hahaha - we totally use the word panties here- you asked me the other day and I had to think about it - big girl panties is what we say... But she is only 2 5/6 years old... I'll refrain from using that word around you.
Do you hate to word moist also? Because that would mean the words moist panties really tic you off! ;)
OMG, thank you for the good laugh! I hate when they advertise like that, like if I wear their underwear I going to turn in to a victoria secrets model LOL! Speaking of underwear I need to buy some too!
In my drugged out state I read "brand new panties, brand new TO you"... like, these bitches were on clearance b/c they were someone else's before you bought them. Sucka! Thank gawd it's just a brand new you. Whew.
The underwear did not transform you? I am stunned.
LOL ~ I am thankful that I can turn to you for a laugh.
I hate the word too, and I hate that it's somehow masculine to call it underwear, like I'm afraid of the femininity of it. Come on...
moist panties.
there.
said it again!
You're too funny....and despite what you say, I'm off to buy me some new underware ...unlike you, maybe it will do wonders FOR ME. I'll let you know! (notice how I didn't use the 'p' word?) :):)
Post a Comment