The Incidents of Fringe Parents

I teach 3rd grade. Therefore, I deal with a lot of parents. A. Lot. Most are just fine, some are FABULOUS, and a few are downright obnoxious. And then, there's the fringe element.

So, here's my fringe element parentals of the week.

1. The pot-head

Popped my head through the window of a student's car to inform his mother he had been stealing random shit from his seat partner. Was greeted by the intense smell of pot. Not like just-smoked-pot, but like just-bought-so-I-can-go-home-and-smoke-it-pot.

I'm not judging, but damn, I better get a kick-ass Christmas gift from that family.

2. The BFF

I get a lot of emails from this lady. A lot. And when she volunteers in the classroom, she hovers around her son. A lot. She really likes to be her kid's BFF. And apparently mine. Since she emailed me with her cell phone number and encouraged me to text her any time.

Ummm, can I get a hell to the no? I will not be exchanging cell phone numbers with this woman.

3. The mean mom

I like this mom. Her daughter's a very bright, 'let's push the limits' kind of girl and the mom totally backs me up. So, when my student pushed the limits big time this week and got tangled in a web of her own lies and deceptions, she was brought back to school by the mean mom one afternoon. The mean mom proceeded to lay into her daughter to the point that my student had crocodile tears dripping to the floor. Seriously, at that moment, I was SO thankful that mom wasn't MY mom.

4. The helicopter

This woman is nice. Very friendly, has very good intentions. She's one of my homework correctors and always brings in cute stickers to put on the kids' work (I won't mention how she needs an answer key to grade their spelling homework. 3rd grade spelling? Not hard. At all. Answer key? REALLY? Whatever, I go with it.). But, she hovers around her son like a small child hovers around his mom while she's trying to go to the bathroom (not that I'm speaking from experience or anything). Today, she just followed the line of 25 third graders into my classroom and watched her son unpack his backpack. We're on like th 47th day of school. He can handle it. Go get a coffee. Or bring me a coffee. Or go to Columbia and see how they grow coffee. But let your kid unpack his own backpack. And get out of my classroom.

5. The tell-it-like-it-iser

I love this woman. At her parent-teacher conference, she actually said about her child "yeah, he's totally gonna be my kid who shows up with a purple mohawk one day. What the hell, man?". Swearing in front of your kid's teacher (note how I said IN FRONT, not AT): kick-ass. I'm sold. You rock, lady.