The Piles Incident

After a long day at home with the kiddo, my husband was busily working in his thesis and I was working on a really bad bottle of wine. Didn't want to drink it, but couldn't very well let it go to waste now, could I. After a few glasses, I reflected on how unproductive I felt and decided to pick something small off of my summer 'to do' list and do it.

I started with the new bath toy storage caddy that had come in the mail that day. For an item with only four pieces, it was a serious bitch to put together. Although, maybe, just maybe it could have been the 3 glasses of bad wine. After hearing several loud thumps, thuds, and choice swear words from the bathroom, my husband asked if I needed help. Help? Please! Like I need help putting together a toy bin. Right as I was telling him to just ignore all the mysterious sounds from the bathroom, the whole thing fell apart and landed in a pile on top of the toys in a pile on the floor of the tub.


Fine. Fuck you toy bin.




So, I move on to another thing on the list: cleaning out the cupboard in the hallway. As I weeded through half empty boxes of tampons and old curling irons (I haven't spent more than 7.5 minutes on my hair in 3 years. Can someone explain to me why I own 3 curling irons?), I discovered our free-crap-from-the-dentist stash. Not kidding you, by the time I was done pawing my way through that shelf, I had quite a pile:



We have electric toothbrushes, and use a totally different brand of toothpaste. So can someone explain to me why we keep this many toothbrushes around the house? Just in case a band of gypsies with really bad teeth happen to stop by? Seriously? Guess what every person in my family is getting in their stocking on Christmas morning.

I shoved the pile of toothbrushes back into the cupboard, and having felt like I had accomplished something, meandered downstairs to read on the couch. The cat, who recently been on a hair strike and let us know by shedding excessively, joined me. I figured it was the perfect time to give her a good brushing. Which is how I ended up with this pile:

And this one:

I swear to you, no cat was exploded or harmed in any way for those photos. That is truly just cat hair from just one cat after maybe just 467 seconds of brushing. Oh my lord. Can someone please explain to me how ONE CAT can have that much hair brushed off her body and still have hair left? Seriously? Yeah, the FURminator? No joke.

The next day, I put the toy bin together only to have it immediately fall apart again, opened the cupboard door to have all the toothbrushes fall out, and noticed an awfully thin spot on the cat's back due to my excessive brushing. I could blame myself. But it would be so much easier to blame the bad wine.