The Incident of a REALLY Successful Week

I had such a productive, successful week. This week I managed to.....

1. Confuse and bewilder 25 third graders while teaching long division. For over an hour a day. For 4 days in a row.
Pardon me while I tear my arm off so I can beat myself over the head with it.

2. #1 has helped lead me to my life-long goal of becoming an alcoholic. I accomplished a vital step in that journey this week: drinking a lot.

3. Push my son ever closer to needing serious therapy due to the fact the only time I spent was him was while we were in the car. And I spent that time listening to Jazzercise music and reviewing routines. Yeah, his issues will have issues, pretty sure.

4. Make my ass so incredibly sore, it hurts to walk, stand, sit, or breathe. Because apparently you use your ass when breathing. That's what happens when you teach 7 classes in 4 days. Wowzah.

5. Lose a few pounds. That's what happens when your insides are all f'd up from being over-physically active and over-tired. Things aren't exactly staying put after I eat them. Good times, good times.

6. Add to the earth's soil via the killing of house plants. My longest living house plant, which was at least 9 years old, kicked the bucket this week. In the same week, I've also lost 2 outdoor plants. My neighbor got a fake plant for her front porch. Given the chance, I'd probably kill that, too.

Yup, all together, it was a well-rounded, fulfilling week. I look forward to the next one, where I will likely reach my long-awaited goals of causing multi-car pileups and burning toast repeatedly, all while cutting out any meaningful relationships. Sweet.