The Incident Where I Remained Totally Calm and In Control...and apparently delusional

In the past month, I don't think there is a single day where I have gotten more than 5 hours sleep. Which today led to the Worst. Morning. Ever. I tried to convince myself I had it all under control. But, Fate being the bitch she is, saw to it that didn't happen.

Woke up wayyyyy early (like, almost 4 am early. After going to bed at midnight) to the sound of my child coughing. No problem. Just needed to make sure he was up earlier than normal so I could nebulize him. Cuz nothing says "yay Friday" like gassing your kid up with neb fumes while he watches giant stuffed animals sing (big shout-out to the stoners who created Yo Gabba Gabba. Haaayaaay!).

So, he neb'd. All is good with the world. Until I put his breakfast on the table and the screaming begins. First he wants something else. Then he wants it in a bowl. Then a plate. Then he wants water. But not in his water cup. Then he doesn't want to get dressed. Then he wants Bear and Waldo. The list goes on and on and on and on and on....you get the idea. And if you have small children, you totally understand the determination a mother can get when she needs to leave the house by a certain time, screaming child or no screaming child.

Well, I had the screaming child. Like, SCREAMING. Blood curdling, someone was pulling his toenails out one-by-one, screaming child. And I had the determination. I managed to get him dressed and gather up all our crap to get us out the door.

We got in the car and drove for 10 scream-filled minutes before I pulled over and just stood in front of the car for a little while. It was either that or drive us off a freakin' cliff. Seriously.

He did finally calm down and we continue to day care. Late, at this point. Shocking, right?

We're about 4 blocks away when it hits me. I left the nebulizer mask and mouth pieces on the counter at my house. Which is wayyy too far away for me to do anything about it. Oh, and something changed in the music (probably the song, as songs tend to do) so he was screaming again. After screaming for roughly 45 minutes of the last hour, I knew he'd have to be neb'd again, yet had a bad mommy moment (yeah, just one, right? HA!) and left some crucial pieces out of his day care bag. FUCK!!!!!!

When I pull up to day care, I do what any rational mother would do. I drag his screaming self out of the car , slam the door, and begin to cry in front of my day care provider. Awesomeness.

But not nearly as awesome as when I got to school and started panicking while asking around to see if anyone has nebulizer stuff with them. A coworker sees how upset I am. Out of the true kindness of her heart, she gets my vice principal who comes to my room to check on me. It's approximately 43 seconds before the bell rings. And I remained totally calm and in control. Except for the fact that I wasn't, so didn't. Yup, totally sobbed in front of my boss. Pure frustrating and total tiredness will do that to a girl.

It did all workout, my child breathed through the rest of the day, I managed to restrain all tears, and I may consider letting the kid live to see the age of 3. Which is two days from now. But if he keeps this up, his chances are slim. Cuz delusion is only going to carry me so far.